It's not easy to be me

he's back to camp again! will be so peaceful from now all the way till FRIDAY!! hahaaaahaa :))) damn bad of me to feel this way.

have been thinking and thinking the whole night till 7am this morning. and i've come to a conclusion that I WANNA JOIN POLICE!

to you: SO WHAT you think the salary low, benefit low, sit at NPC do bo lan duty. SO WHAT if i have to do shift work and you still got the cheek to tell me "then baby who take care, then you wont have time for Shayenne!" when you were the one coming home to be KING. and leaving me doing everything and taking care of SHayenne when you jus rot in front of your comp! don't say changing her diaper, you cant even make ONE time milk for her, wash ONE time milk bottle for her, feed her lunch or dinner. You cant even wash your own cup and hang up your own shorts. always looking for your slave to do everything for you. jus because you're the sole breadwinner for this family and IT"S MY RESPONSIBILTY. it's my responsibility to lower my pride and status in this house to fufil your so called "responsibility". ya?

i cant even have a say in my career. everything is YOU THINK you think.the grass is always greener on the other side. you ask me to join air force. i dont even have any interest or passion for anything in air force. join for the pay and benefits??? thats what you want. YOU want. you and your wants. you are always so domineering. you want to be powerful in this house. you know you can get your way in everything you want because im good to bully and easily give in. thats how we landed up with the 2 and Shayenne. You jus cant get anything into your thick skulled brain. its your character. i had enough. :(

>>>>>>>>>>>>


but anyway! jus ranting my thoughts. tough time dont last, tough man do. Only he who can eat the bitter of the bitter. Can become the man above the men. yes! so thankful that i still have Kiara to have our mummies talk and wife talk! listening to superman now :)) it' not easy to be me...wish that i could cry, fall upon my knees.

trying so hard to be away from you.